Life’s a Gas: How Fart Jokes Improved my Love Life

I live with a goofball. A reeeeeal grade-A wisecracker. A josher. A jokesmith. A MERRY-ANDREW!

(this post supplemented by thesaurus.com)

And I’ve been known to be something of a quipster myself. We can get real goofy together, and I love that.

Allow me to share a bit of our history: a sampling of our earlier tom-foolery is documented in this photo, taken in 2008. Neither of us knew the other was very slightly crossing their eyes, we each, respectively, thought we were ruining a very nice photo. And when we saw that we had the same idea, we broke out in gasping, croaking, drooling howls of laughter.

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Alison at 15 and Alex at 16 years old, being total A-words.

I love covering up the cross-eyed half of these faces with my hands and seeing how nice the picture could have looked. And then I remove my hands and see the wonky faces of two people who will always find something to laugh about. I much prefer these donks.

Alex and I have known each other since 5th grade, and I think our relationship has preserved a lot of that 5th grade playfulness to this day. There’s a great deal of potty humor in our house. One might even call it a steaming pant-load of potty humor.

Aside from this, there are the countless immature and pointless pranks… if you can even call them that.

For example: I got this pair of slippers from the thrift store that were these huge, brown, fat-but-pointy things. Think Mickey Mouse’s footwear when he’s playing a peasant. They looked ridiculous on me, like two tan pillows strapped around my feet, but they’re so soft and warm in the winter.

Alex hated them. He called them my “brebs” because of their bread-like quality. So, naturally, I stuffed them in his pillowcase. And they were never to be seen again.

(This is worded past tense because I think he has since ‘taken care of them’ in the mobster sense)

Alex’s pranks are a little more simple, yet bold. He does things like touch his cold beer can to a small exposed bit of my stomach when I’m not paying attention. Or dive mouth-first at a bite of my food that he wants to eat. He’ll stop at nothing until he’s eaten that bite.

My favorite AND least favorite of his gags, is one that he pulls nearly every time we go out for breakfast, which is more often than I’d like to admit.

What he’ll do is take a toast triangle, hold it flat side down pretending it’s a car, and drive it around in a jittery fashion, making sputtering and popping noises with his mouth like a jalopy. And then always, without fail, it will inevitably drive over to my water glass and he’ll dunk the toast in my water. And then bite the soggy toast corner off and chew it with the biggest smile on his face.

And for some reason, I NEVER think he’s gonna actually dunk his toast in my water. But he does it every time. Every time! When will I learn?

You know those news stories where a 100+ year old person is asked what the secret to a long, happy life is? More often than not, I’ve heard them say “Don’t take life too seriously.”

I can’t speak for all relationships, because there are an infinite number of ways a couple can share joy. But for me and Alex, sharing a sense of humor is a big part of what keeps our relationship strong.

Many times, Alex and I will start an argument that has the potential to grow deep roots in our relationship and continue popping up every so often like a perennial weed. But then one of us will crack a joke, and the power will be taken away from the issue, and given back to us. The energy is lightened and we can turn our focus to healing.

Our gift of humor keeps us searching for new, creative ways to make each other laugh. It’s a constant scavenger hunt for a fresh new silly dance, or made up word, or ugly face that will crinkle my guy’s eyes up in laughter. And with every new inside joke, there’s another layer added to our ever-growing bond.

Obviously, I can get pretty sentimental. I like to *attempt* to have have major rom-com moments when we’re admiring a beautiful sunset, or about to kiss in a rainstorm, or reminiscing about our 10-year-old selves. But Alex is always there to jerk me out of that ultra-serious romantic haze and back into the present moment with a fart joke, or an actual fart.

Some days, Alex is there to cry happy tears with me, kiss me on the forehead, or give me a sincere smile with all the eye contact a needy girl could ever hope for.

Other days, I just get a can of ham.

As much as it might annoy me while I’m taking the pictures, I know these “outtakes” are more real than the “nice picture-day smile” or “gaze into the distance” shots. I’m going to cherish and laugh at these pictures for years to come. This is who he is 80% of the time, and it’s a big part of the reason I luh v’m and will continue to choose him year after year after year.

Please enjoy this juxtaposition of my artsy nature shots and my hammy boyfriend.

 

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Giving a burp back to nature

 

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“Pace”

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